Off-Kilter

Off-Kilter

1. Out of equilibrium; not straight, level, or aligned properly, in a state of confusion or chaos. 

2. Not working correctly or properly; out of order; out of w(h)ack. 

There must be something in the air or the water lately to make so many people feel a little off-kilter in the last week or so.

I know I haven't seemed to be firing on all cylinders and after a little reading on blogland, I've realised that many of you are experiencing something similar.

I've been well and feeling good mostly but everything seems to be taking just a little more effort and motivation to do things.  Then there's all the little extra things that seem to crop up and need to be dealt with when it's the last thing you really need at the time.  I just concentrate on one thing at a time and tell myself it's all okay.

Being busier and out and about a bit more always seems to send me a little askew and that has certainly been the case lately.  I'm very much a home person and love to potter about in my space.  Sometimes I really need to force myself to leave the house and have to give myself a stern talking to as to how good it would be for me to get out for a bit.

After all the years of lovely hubby working away and being gone for good chunks of time, I've found that the kids and I have developed some pretty good routines for ourselves, mainly so that I can cope with partial single parenting.

  I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned it before but both my kids have Autism.  They are on the higher functioning end of the spectrum and the past couple of years have been quite challenging as they started to get older and new 'triggers' came into play. 

It was all mainly to do with school, especially with Master M and at times it really can take its toll on me.  There's regular appointments with various support networks for both children and then last year the school seemed to have me on a hotline because Master M just wasn't coping.

Things have been so much better this year so far with both kids.  Their school's have been fantastic and supportive and we've got some really good strategies and care in place for them.

Having said that, I had Master M home for 3 days last week and it brought up the thoughts of whether I would have to home school him.  It's been a consideration over the past couple of years but not so much this year when he's been reasonably happy where he is.

I looked at the pros and cons of it all and realised that right now, he's better off at school.  He does like it most of the time, there are however some pretty huge moments when he doesn't cope.  Sometimes I have to pick him up early and sometimes they put me on speaker phone and hearing my voice seems to help get him back on track.  I usually end up being an emotional wreck after those calls though.

His three days at home made me realise that I wouldn't cope with home schooling.  With a husband that's gone a lot of the time for work, I find that I really need that time when the kids are at school to help me function better when everyone's at home.

I struggled with this for awhile but after feeling like I've been out in the woods for a couple of years, it's nice to get myself back on track and do things that are important for me.  I've been so much happier and content in the past few months and the kids are feeling that too because they seem to be happier and more content (most days) as well.  I'm the one constant for my family and so they respond to my moods and emotions.  I've only just come to realise this and it's made me realise just how important self care is.

It doesn't matter if what I do is big or small, long or short.  It just needs to be something that helps me out at different stages of the day or week and often it can be something that I do for just 5 to 10 minutes.

When things have been a particular trial I'll often have a day out with just me, myself and I.  That usually happens when lovely hubby is home and I will say that he's always been supportive of me having the time I need right from the moment we first had Miss R.  That might have something to do with him being gone for 10 days at a time back then and me, with extreme lack of sleep and blathering about 'his turn' virtually throwing a baby into his arms as I headed out the door. :)

I often go to the shops for a bit but then I find them too noisy and I really don't need anything half the time.  Sometimes I'll go to a movie if there's anything on that I might like to see (rare), and other times I've taken a book and lay down on a picnic blanket somewhere relaxing and quiet.  Often it's in a quiet spot with a view of the ocean.  I always find that those moments recharge the soul.

I walk the dog.  Patch and I drop the kids off at school then head down to our favourite  place to walk and just enjoy the quiet.  Sometimes I'm blissfully happy just being out in nature, sometimes I've got way too much running through my head and other times I have a good cry if that's what's needed at the time.  It's a good way to get my head together before really starting my day and Patch loves his walk too.

I crochet.  I love it and I've realised recently how much I seem to need to be crocheting and sometimes sewing to help keep those happy molecules hurtling around.

Occasionally I just lay on my bed with my eyes closed for 15 minutes and concentrate on my breathing.  This happens if I've had a busy day and realise it's not long until I have to pick the kids up from school.  Of course I have to set an alarm because I have found myself drifting off momentarily on the odd occasion.

I love sitting out in our backyard of an afternoon.  I haven't done this much over the winter months and now the weather's warming up I'm realising how much I've missed it.  I usually crochet or write while enjoying a cup of tea and the kids often gravitate to where I am and play outside which gets them away from their screens.

On a weekend if lovely hubby is home that cup of tea has been known to change to a glass of wine.....
or two.

I love sitting around our backyard fire of an evening too.  This mainly happens on a weekend and usually only if hubby is home.  I don't know why as I'm perfectly capable of lighting one myself.  We've had fire bans here because it has been so dry but with some recent rain, those bans have been lifted in our area and I'm looking forward to enjoying more fires in the near future.

One of the main things I do that helps right the axis is write in my journal.  I treat it as if I'm writing a letter to a friend about what I've been up to.  I often go for days without talking to another adult so I've found that my journals are like having a conversation and are one of the quickest ways to get myself back in balance.

I would really love to know what do you do in some of those precious rare moments to help keep yourselves sane.

Whatever you are doing this week, I hope you are able to snatch some time just for yourself where you don't feel guilty about it and know that you truly deserve it.

xx Susan